I lay in my bed, staring hard at the ceiling before me. My eyes briefly glance towards the alarm clock. It's already 3:00AM and I'm still wide awake. I'll have to get up in three and a half hours for school too. I wonder if I'll be able to survive the day. It's been four nights in a row that I've had difficulty falling asleep. I mean, I'm tired and everything, but sleep continues to evade me. There's just too much on my mind right now, and my shoulders and heart feel weighted.
I turn to my side for the umpteenth time and pull the covers closer to my chin. My eyelids close themselves, but I don’t actually fall asleep. Everything...Everything's just bothering me right now. My grandmother's in the hospital and my mom refuses to tell me any more than that; my siblings got into a quarrel recently and still refuse to talk to each other; my dad's sick but he's still forcing himself to go to work. ...And then there's school. I have so many assignments due; I feel as though my friends are leaving me; and all those clubs I've joined are starting to stress me out.
I feel something moist trail down my face, and I realize I'm crying...again. I quickly wipe it away with the back of my hand and sniffle.
"Fuck this shit!"
I threw my covers off of me and walked over to my desk. My hands groped around in the dark for my cell phone. When I finally found it, I turned it on and then went back to lie down on my bed. I went to the Notes function and started writing a story to hopefully take my mind off of things.
Fortunately for me, I was able to get at least two hours of sleep before my alarm woke me up. I didn't want to get up, but I knew that I had to, so I reluctantly did so. I went through my usual morning routine and eventually found myself waiting at the bus stop. My earphones are inside my ears and I'm listening to [fav. song] while waiting for the bus. While I'm waiting, I couldn't help but feel my chest tighten. I really don't want to go to school. I don't want to go through another day. I just want to stay at home in bed doing nothing without a single care in the world, but that's impossible. People have told me many times before that I care too much. I caught sight of the bus just turning the corner, and I sling my backpack over my shoulder and braced myself for yet another day in school. Hopefully I'll be able to make it through without breaking down in front of my friends.
I make it to school with ten minutes to spare until the bell rings. My hand lazily turns the dial on my lock and then proceeds to open my locker. I was organizing myself when someone hugged my shoulders from behind.
"Veh~ Good morning bella~" Feliciano, my friend, greeted me.
I turned around and smiled towards the cheery Italian. He almost always seemed to brighten up my days, but I rarely got to see him since we didn't have any classes together.
"Good morning. And good morning Lovino," I greeted Feliciano's older brother who was accompanying him. He greeted me back with a simple 'good morning' and nothing else.
"How was your weekend?" Feliciano asked me.
"Pretty good," I lied. In truth, I felt like total crap the past few days, but I didn't want to worry the Italian.
Feliciano grinned, completely oblivious to my lie, "That's good to hear!"
The conversation however was cut short when Feliciano spotted Ludwig, a good friend of his, just a fair distance away. Feliciano was quick to say goodbye to me and scampered to the blond student. It was only then that I realize Lovino's intense stare.
"Is something wrong?" I asked him.
"I should be asking you that, ragazza," Lovino replied, "Have you been crying?"
I was taken a bit by surprise for Lovino to have realized that, but I quickly regained myself. I shook my head and gave a playful laugh, "Of course not! What makes you say that? Lovino, you must be tired."
"Maybe..." Lovino answered, but he didn't sound convinced.
I turned my back to him as I continued to gather my belongings. While I was doing that, I made sure to make a mental note to try harder to wipe away the evidence of my tears in the morning.
"So, what did you do over the weekend?" I asked, trying to change the subject.
Lovino shrugged, "Not much...just slept and ate all day. What about you?"
"Complain about life to no one in particular."
A small laugh escaped my lips, "The same, except you could add drawing and writing to the list."
Lovino smiled as I shut my locker door and locked it. I pulled on my lock for good measure and started walking around the school with Lovino following behind me.
"What kind of things have you been drawing-slash-writing?" Lovino asked.
I merely shrugged as I brought my books closer to my chest, "Eh, just stuff."
Just then, the five minutes warning bell rung and students started picking up the pace at their lockers. I look over to Lovino who isn't carrying anything at all. He saw my inquisitive look and merely shrugged, as if he didn't really care, but he waved goodbye as he turned on his heel, heading towards the direction of his locker. I let out a tired sigh and joined the sea of students who briskly walked to their class.
My first three periods were absolutely boring. We honestly didn't do much. For business, we worked on spreadsheets; for French, we reviewed les pronoms relatifs; and for Computer Science, we watched the movie, The Social Network.
When the bell signalling the end of third period rung, I was quick to gather up my books and leave the class. I honestly didn't want to stay in the classroom that long, especially since I had lunch now. As usual, I was one of the first people to arrive in the cafeteria, and I took my seat at the usual table. My hands reached into my pocket and grabbed hold of my cell phone. I quickly navigated my way through to Notes and resumed writing my story from last night.
”Dodgeball. It was one of your favourite sports/games you enjoyed playing in gym class. You were good at dodging; you were decent with catching; but you absolutely sucked at aiming. You were almost always completely off target.
To your surprise, you had found yourself being the very last member standing on your team, but the other team only had one member left as well. So it should be okay, right? Nope, of course not, because the person you were up against was Vash Zwingli.
Vash was well known for many things; one of them being having a killer aim. You mentally cursed your bad luck for—
I was so engrossed in my story that I didn't realize somebody had taken the seat across from me.
My head quickly snapped upwards and I see Lovino sitting there with his lunch (which was pizza by the way) in front of him. It looked like he had been trying to catch my attention for a while now. I flash him an embarrassed smile as I quickly saved my work and slid the cell phone back in my pocket, giving Lovino my full, undivided attention.
"Are you sure you're alright?" Lovino asked, concern lacing his voice as he took a bite out of his lunch. "You seem distracted. Like whenever I try to say hi to you in the hallways, you never even noticed me."
"O-Oh, is that true?" I asked sheepishly.
"Yes!" Lovino exclaimed, "And because of that, I look like a complete fucking idiota!"
You cringed slightly from the change of volume. "Sorry," I apologized to him. "I just have a lot on my mind right now."
The two of us were silent, but the excited chatter of the cafeteria continued. I look down from him; his gaze is just too much for me to handle, and I eventually end up self-consciously picking my nails.
"...So, what's on your mind?" Lovino asked me after a painfully excruciating silence between the two of us.
I shook my head. Lovino was my best friend—though I'll admit I want our relationship to be more than that—and I trust him, but...I couldn't. I just couldn’t bring myself to pour out all of my emotions onto him. What if I ended up bothering him? I heaved a sigh and shook my head again. "It's nothing much to worry about really," I answered him.
Lovino examined me before slowly nodding, deciding to not push the issue any further. However, I could tell from his expression and determined eyes that he wasn't fully done with me yet. My heart dropped a bit; I was expecting a bit of more questioning from him, but he gave up rather easily. Maybe I was just hoping for too much...
I saw [Name] sigh again. How many times has she sighed already in this one day? It's far too many for me to count, which is why it's so obvious that something's bugging her. Why the fucking hell won't she tell me?! Doesn't she trust me? My body tensed slightly from the anger that I felt at myself for being so useless. I really can't do anything to make [Name] happy. Feliciano's far better than this than I am...
"[Name], do you have a meeting after school today?" I asked her. If she won't tell me at school, then I'll just ask her when the two of us are alone.
[Name] nodded, "Yeah. I have to go to Yearbook; it's mandatory since the deadline's coming up and we haven't done much."
Damn. So maybe not today..."What about tomorrow?"
"I have Student Council," she answered, "We're setting up the decorations for the dance on Friday."
"So I guess you'll be busy on Friday as well?" I continued to ask.
"Yeah, as much as I really don't want to go, Student Council has to be there," [Name] answered.
I could hear the annoyance and irritation in her voice, but it melted away when she asked me why I was so curious.
"Just wondering," I answered vaguely, shrugging my shoulders. I guess I'll just have to surprise her at her house today; I won't let her run away from this that easily.
"There's my little tomato~!"
I groaned as Antonio walked up towards us. The Spaniard started talking to me, and [Name] had taken out her cell phone again. Antonio and I had a very long conversation during the entire period, but every now and then, I would glance towards [Name]. She looked so...lonely. Was it because I was talking to Antonio and she didn't have anyone else to talk to?
Eventually, I glance towards the time, and that's when I realize that lunch period's almost over. [Name]'s already gathering her stuff and getting up. I quickly finish eating my pizza and get up as well. I decided to walk [Name] to class in hopes of getting her to talk.
I honestly don't understand why the fuck [Name] goes through this hellish hallway. It's one of the high traffic areas in the school where everyone travels in packs and stops abruptly in the middle of the halls to reply to a text and all that other shit. [Name] didn't seem to mind though as she easily maneuvered her way through the sea of students while I had a bit of difficulty keeping up with her.
"So what exactly are you doing in fourth period?" I asked [Name] as we neared her classroom.
"We have this assignment where we have to make either a comic or a video, and...Yeah."
Well, that wasn't really much information that she gave me, but she looked too tired to explain any further. Her eyes look so worn out and tired. That usual bright smile that I love to see on her has been replaced with empty ones, and her laughs seemed strained and forced. I swear, this is pissing me off...seeing her so upset, yet she acts like everything's perfectly fine when it obviously isn't! My hands ball up into fists, but [Name]'s too preoccupied with her thoughts to realize. Ah, screw this shit.
I waved goodbye to [Name] before turning on my heel and speed walking to Feliciano's classroom. My footsteps were light and quick as I made my way to the Hospitality class.
"Veh, fratello, what's wro—" I didn't even give my brother a chance to complete his sentence.
"I have to go somewhere after school," I explained, "So just go on ahead without me, alright? Alright."
I didn't get to hear his response as I swiftly left the classroom and starting heading towards my own class. I went over my plan in my head repeatedly. First, I would head over to [Name]'s place and wait for her to come home since she has a meeting. After that, I'll force her to tell me what's bothering her. I nodded my head; my plan was absolutely fool proof.
Finally, fourth period was over, thus concluding the school day. I speedily gathered my books and headed towards my lockers. Fortunately, Antonio and his annoying friends weren't there, so I was able to make it out of school much faster than the usual time if they were there.
I eventually found myself standing in front of [Name]'s door. I hesitated with knocking on the door; I had started to get second thoughts, but I honestly couldn't think of anything else at the time. Taking a deep breath, I rapped on the door and waited patiently for it to open. A kind looking woman answered the door. It was [Name]'s mother.
"Oh, Lovino!" she sounded surprised.
I was surprised myself. It surprised me on how she remembered my name even though I've only visited [Name]'s house once, and I didn't even talk that much to her mother.
"I'm sorry, [Name]'s still at school," [Name]'s mother apologized to me.
"I know," I answered her. She shot me a puzzling look and I continued, "Would it be alright if I waited for her inside?"
"Most certainly," the woman smiled as she opened the door wider, gesturing for me to come inside.
I nervously and awkwardly did so. Then, [Name]'s mother started asking me if I'd like anything to eat and all that jazz. I had turned down the offer. I felt far too awkward at the house to accept any free food at the moment. I then started heading towards [Name]'s room. When I entered, I was greeted with a semi-messy room. Her bed was made and no clothes were strewn on the floor, but her desk was full of clutter.
Even though there was a TV and laptop in [Name]'s room, I really didn't want to touch anything without her permission, so there wasn't much to do. My feet made their way over to [Name]'s bed and I sat down. All I had to do now was wait patiently. In that time, I rehearsed in my mind what I was going to say to [Name].
2nd Person P.o.V.
You breathed out a blissful sigh upon entering your household. You were glad to be back home after such a long and tiring day. You set your backpack on the floor, deciding to do your homework after you finished resting for a few minutes.
"Oh, [Name], I thought I should tell you...Lovino's here waiting in your room," your mother informed you, winking playfully. Your mother was very supportive on you getting a boyfriend, and since you talked about Lovino a lot at home, she was quick to assume that you held feelings for him.
"...What?" you asked incredulously after a moment of silence. "What?!" you repeated, a bit louder than before as you ran up the stairs to your room. You practically kicked the door open, startling the Italian male who lay on your bed.
"[Name]!" Lovino exclaimed sounding a bit surprised as though it was his room that you had barged into, which you found utterly ridiculous.
"What are you doing here?" you asked, trying to mask the disbelief in your voice. That was impossible.
Lovino stubbornly crossed his arms over his chest as he stared hard at you, "We need to talk."
"About what?" you raised a curious eyebrow, but you knew exactly where this conversation was going, much to your dismay. You shut the door behind you as you sat on your bed, beside Lovino. The two of you turned and adjusted yourselves so that you were comfortable and were able to face each other.
"Tell me what's going on," Lovino ordered you.
"It's nothing. Nothing's going on," you lied guiltily. You never liked lying, especially to Lovino.
The male shook his head, "That's not true [Name], and both you and I know it! Tell me what's going on!"
"It's nothing!" you repeated, your voice growing louder alongside Lovino's.
"Don't lie to me! I know that something's bothering you! What is it? Don't you trust me?!" Lovino had started to yell at you, causing you to cringe slightly.
You scoffed before replying with the same loud volume as the Italian, "Of course I do!"
"Then fucking tell me!" Lovino insisted.
"Fine!" you yelled, throwing your hands up in defeat, "You want to know what's bothering me? It's fucking life! My grandmother's in the hospital and my mom won't tell me anything else, my siblings are fighting to the point that they started to despise seeing each other's faces, my dad's obviously stressed out and I feel guilty since I'm asking so much from him, school's been a fucking bitch, I have all these assignments I have to do, I feel lonely in pretty much all of my classes because I feel like all my friends are leaving me, and you!" You took a sharp inhale before continuing. "You cause me so many problems because there are times when I think you only see me as a friend, and I hate it! It tears me apart because it's so obvious that I like you but you haven't realized it!!"
The two of you stared at each other, completely stunned as you tried to process what you had just said. You just confessed in a fit of rage to the guy you've been crushing on for a while now. Still, you decided to play it cool.
"There, I told you what was bothering me!" you harrumphed, crossing your arms over your chest while avoiding looking at Lovino's face. "Now leave me alone!"
You bit your lip as you felt tears start to form in your eyes, but you held them back. Not now. You couldn't show any weakness now. Then, to your surprise, you felt Lovino wrap his arms around you. You sat frozen in your spot, tensing slightly before relaxing yourself. You breathed in his scent and let out a shaky breath. His arms were so warm and comforting that you could lose yourself in them.
"Idiota," Lovino whispered in your ear, sending shivers down your spine, "I will never leave you alone. Ever."
Another shaky breath escaped your lips as you hugged the Italian as well, biting back your tears.
"It's okay," Lovino cooed into your ear, "You can cry. I won't tell anyone, and I won't laugh. ...I'm here now."
That one simple sentence was what made you break down. Everything. All of those tears that you've been fighting back for the last few days...you finally let them all out. All the while, Lovino continued to hold you close to him as you sobbed onto his shirt.
Once you had calmed down and was nothing more than just a sniffling mess, you thanked Lovino. You felt so much lighter and relieved. You blew your nose into a Kleenex and breathed out a sigh of relief and for the first time in a while, you genuinely smiled. This caused Lovino to blush slightly due to the fact that it was him who helped bring back that beautiful smile. Lovino tenderly wiped away your remaining tears with his thumbs.
"By the way...I sort-of-kind-of-really like you too," he mumbled quietly, but you still heard it.
The moment those words left the male's lips, you couldn't help but grin like an idiot. You hugged the Italian when he wasn't expecting it. It was so abrupt and sudden that Lovino wasn't able to catch himself in time, causing the two of you to fall back on the bed. You let out a light laugh before closing your eyelids and finally being able to fall asleep peacefully without a single care in the world.
As long as Lovino was with you, then everything would be alright.